these words at best are worse than teenage poetry.

Franz Kafka is dead.

2009-12-26T14:55:20Z

He died in a tree from which he wouldn't come down. "Come down!" they cried to him. "Come down! Come down!" Silence filled the night, and the night filled the silence, while they waited for Kafka to speak. "I can't," he finally said, with a note of wistfulness. "Why?" they cried. Stars spilled across the black sky. "Because then you'll stop asking for me."

caatherinee @ 2009-12-18T02:10:00

2009-12-18T08:10:47Z

just because we had some good times doesn't mean i miss them. i've been seeing blue skies everyday. but i guess the truth of the matter is that i've been madder at you than you've been at me. i'm still bitter and you're still sweet.

caatherinee @ 2009-12-18T02:05:00

2009-12-18T08:05:17Z

and i'm sorry every day

caatherinee @ 2009-12-10T22:37:00

2009-12-11T04:37:11Z

and you swore you would protect me, and you swore you would not lie.

and all these lonely days lead to lonely nights. and alone at night i sleep, trapped inside what became my life. and it's all because of me.

but one day you'll fall down and there won't be anyone to pick you up again.
one day, you'll fall down and there won't be anyone.

caatherinee @ 2009-12-08T12:43:00

2009-12-08T18:43:37Z

i've been some other place. the wind that i chase it all just leads back to you.
But still, I ran.
I knew you when I was young but what am i now?
Run to you. I will run.
I will move right on through all these things that I have done.
And you'll take me back, i don't know why.
I want to say I'll never do it again, but I can't.
But I will try.

caatherinee @ 2009-11-30T07:00:00

2009-11-30T13:00:20Z

turning on a dime
i just can't trust my instincts
one day my heart beats with passion
the next it waxes back
if i seem a little callused
i assure you it's just a scratch
so if you can hold on
'till the mood swings are gone
then we might just have a chance,
oh no.

caatherinee @ 2009-10-25T21:26:00

2009-10-26T04:09:46Z

are you waiting for a special occasion to give me your heart? because i need a little confirmation to make a real start.

caatherinee @ 2009-10-19T17:09:00

2009-10-19T22:12:37Z

now them butterflies in my stomach won't stop, stop.

caatherinee @ 2009-10-14T01:24:00

2009-10-14T06:29:24Z

none of us forget about who we are so choose a path and follow it. take a pill and swallow it.

caatherinee @ 2009-09-05T12:17:00

2009-09-05T17:19:38Z

a year goes by and i can't talk about it.

caatherinee @ 2009-08-29T20:42:00

2009-08-30T01:43:04Z

smile. it's easier than explaining why you're sad.

caatherinee @ 2009-08-08T07:39:00

2009-08-08T12:40:11Z

hello 7am. i'd be resentful about my lack of sleep, but i'm actually semi-excited to be going to rush workshop. i've missed the house. i've missed all the girls. the meetings, and the weekly routine. i'm ready for football games and themed parties. i'm ready for the crisp fall air and seeing thousands of people walking across campus. i want to sit in boring lecture classes with 500+ students and a teacher over a microphone, and then moan and laugh about it with my friends. i want a fresh start. i want my jam-packed schedule. it's so hectic and chaotic, but i love it. and it's about to begin again.

You can feel it in the air, feeling right this time of year.

caatherinee @ 2009-08-07T02:19:00

2009-08-07T07:19:53Z

you seem like such a big part of my life and my heart, but the truth is i've found someone new, and he easily towers over you.

caatherinee @ 2009-08-02T03:04:00

2009-08-02T08:06:52Z

you used to call me your itty bitty pretty kitty, but now you don't call me at all.
i wish someone else would call me that. do you still think i'm pretty?

never settle

2009-08-02T06:41:58Z

I've forgotten what it feels like to be in love. even when i try and think back on the past, i can remember moments but i can't relive the feelings. they no longer exist. i've forgotten how it is to have someone to think of everytime you watch a sad movie or listen to a cheesy song. i've forgotten the comfort of falling into a routine. suitors come and go because they are unsuitable. i feel like a random puzzle piece that somehow made it into the wrong box. try all you want; there is no match.
well, that's ok.

caatherinee @ 2009-07-30T13:41:00

2009-07-30T18:41:43Z

What peace is there for us whose best love cannot return them even for a day? I raise my head to the door and think I will see you in the frame. I know it is your voice in the corridor but when I run outside the corridor is empty. There is nothing I can do that will make any difference. The last word was yours.

The fluttering in the stomach goes away and the dull waking pain. Sometimes I think of you and I feel giddy. Memory makes me lightheaded, drunk on champagne. All the things we did. And if anyone had said this was the price I would have agreed to pay it. That surprises me; that with the hurt and the mess comes a shaft of recognition. It was worth it. Love is worth it.

caatherinee @ 2009-07-29T01:08:00

2009-07-29T06:09:50Z

i'm starting to feel just a little abused like a coffee machine in an office, so i'm gonna go to my closet and get me a lover and tell you all about it.

caatherinee @ 2009-07-27T00:11:00

2009-07-27T05:11:44Z

Chaos all around
Explosions and fire
You took me off the ground
And lifted me higher

i'm holding my heart out but clutching it, too.

2009-07-25T06:14:59Z

It's hard to trust anyone to break through and tear walls down;To let yourself think you've found your own safe harbor. How does a heart begin to open, let someone in, to let itself feel and then to find a safe harbor? Faith's a gift only brave hearts bestow and whether or not my heart could be that brave, I don't know. But if we love and lose, it's better than never to have loved at all. When you're tired to the bone and you can go no farther, I'll be there. I'll get you home. I'll be your safe harbor. When the winds blow cold and rough, and the fight grows harder, when you feel you've had enough, I'll be your safe harbor. When the dark descends on you and you're in deep water, don't despair. I'm with you too. I'll be your safe harbor.

caatherinee @ 2009-07-24T20:57:00

2009-07-25T02:16:15Z

Answer True or False
Q: Been arrested? no
Q: Do you like someone? no
Q: Held a snake? no
Q: Been suspended from school? no
Q: Sang karaoke? no
Q: Done something you told yourself you wouldn't do? yes
Q: Laughed until you started crying? i don't think
Q: Caught a snowflake on your tongue? yes
Q: Kissed in the rain? yes
Q: Sang in the shower? yes
Q: Sat on a roof top? i can't remember? no?
Q: Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? yes
Q: Broken a bone? no
Q: Shaved your head? no
Q: Played a prank on someone? yes
Q: Shot a gun? yes
Q: Donated Blood? no

LAST PERSON.
1. You hung out with? chris
2. You texted? my mom
3. You were in a car with? gaby
4. Went to the movies with? jonathan
5. Person you went to shop with? gaby
6. You talked to on the phone? erin
7. Made you laugh? kenny
8. You hugged? chris

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY...
1. Sun or moon? sun
2. Winter or Fall? fall
3. Left or Right? right
4. Sunny or rainy? sunny
5. Where do you live? condo, technically
6. Club or pub? eh? i choose pub bc england, england, england!!
7. Are there 1 or 2 people who you can always trust and rely on? yes
8. Do you want to get married? yes.
9. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it? i d not like spaghetti
10. What time is it? 9:02
11. Are you afraid of commitment? i have learned so much.
12. What is your greatest hope/wish? to live my life to the fullest
13. Do you cook? sorta
14. Current mood? maxin and relaxin

IN THE LAST 48 HOURS HAVE YOU...
1. Kissed someone? yes
2. Sang? yes
3. Listened to music? yes
4. Danced Crazy? yes!
5. Cried? yes
6. Liked someone you can't have? trick question

25 FIRSTS .....
1.Who was your first prom date? mcgehee
2. Who was your first roommate? landry
3. What alcoholic beverage did you drink when you got drunk the first time? omg i have no clue. whatever was offered to me at ellis' camp on new years
4. What was your first job? the little house & co.
5. What was your first car? 4runner
6. When did you go to your first funeral and viewing? jasons funeral, i was like 3
8. Who was your first grade teacher? mrs. lamonte
9. Where did you go on your first ride on an airplane? orlando, for disney world
11. Who was your first best friend? mary beth or hillary in pre school i suppose
13. Where was your first sleepover? mary beth..but laura there were definitely complete summers where we might as well have moved in with each other
14. Who is the first person you call when you have a bad day? God. sry give me the cheeseball award
15. Who's wedding were you in the first time you were a Bridesmaid or groomsman? ive only been a flower girl but im about to be a maid of honor......AH!
17. What was the first concert you went to? n*sync yea girl!!
18. What was the last concert you went to? meriwether
19. First tattoo or piercing? ears
20. First celebrity crush? aaron caaaaarter
21. Current celebrity crush? the character of chuck on gossip girl
23. Current crush? i don't think i have one
25. First time you tied your shoe laces? 4 or 5? i have a vague memory of my dad teaching me in the kitchen

Five names you go by:
1. cat
2. cat cab
3. kitty cat RAWR
4. weirdo
5. catrina

Three things you are wearing right now:
1. australia t-shirt "g'day mate!"
2. gray soffees
3. navy hanes undapants

Three things you want very badly at the moment:
1. caffeine
2. some a/c where the heck is it
3. i'll take some pizza too, sure

Two things you did last night:
1. went out
2. snuggled

Two things you ate today:
1. pizza
2. cheetos

Two people you last talked to on the phone:
1. kenny
2. kelsey

Three things you are going to do tomorrow:
1. my massive to-do list
2.
3.

Two longest car rides:
1. baton rouge to kansas city
2. baton rouge to orlando

Favorite beverages:
1. diet coke
2. water
3. cafe americano

caatherinee @ 2009-07-14T01:28:00

2009-07-14T06:28:40Z

i promised i would always take care of you.

caatherinee @ 2009-07-03T09:14:00

2009-07-03T14:15:02Z

it was hard love, it was hard on you i know. when the only love i gave to you was love i couldn't show. you forgave the heart that loved you as your lover turned to go, leaving nothing but the memory of hard love.

caatherinee @ 2009-06-30T08:01:00

2009-06-30T13:05:31Z

why are you striving these days? why are you trying to earn grace? why are you crying? Let Me lift up your face...just don't turn away. Why are you looking for love? Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough? To where will you go, child? Tell Me where will you run. because I'll be by your side whenever you fall, in the dead of night whenever you call. Please don't fight these hands that are holding you.

I want you to know that I love you, and I will never let you go.

caatherinee @ 2009-06-29T16:00:00

2009-06-29T21:00:26Z

My Twittascope: Capricorn
Allow yourself the time to acknowledge that your life is settling down now, even if it doesn't appear that it will last. Nevertheless, be prepared to receive the goodwill that comes your way today. If someone wants to take care of you, don't fight it. Accepting love with an open heart is the right thing to do, even if it makes you feel a bit uncomfortable at first. Monday, June 29, 2009

21

2009-06-28T06:16:06Z

on the subject of you being gone forever, i still can't believe it. i can't see it. i should just stop counting days. on the subject of the future, wouldn't it be nice to leave it open-ended and pretend it could go either way? if i could have you back again, i think about it once or twice, i guess. if i could have you back, i'd reconsider. maybe i'd say yes. on the other hand it'd be better to have a life without the constant indecision over if i could have you back. on the topic of the time we spent together, i can't say i never wondered if you ever think about those days. thanks for all the lessons learned. practice makes perfect.